What are the negative aspect of Emotional Intelligence. These negative qualities are often found in teens who are emotionally intelligent, yet emotionally abused and neglected.
The List of these negative aspects are as follows:-
- They learn to manipulate. They need to manipulate because their needs were not met by simply asking or expressing their needs
- They learn to use their tone of voice, their words, their silence to manipulate
- They learn how to threaten you with what will hurt or frighten you the most
- They remember things they can use to hurt others with when they feel hurt
- They learn to use your own words against you
- They learn how to lie
- They learn to tell you whatever you want to hear
- They get hurt easily because they have been hurt so many times. This hurt causes them pain and they become desperate to stop it. It is this desperation which leads them to lie, manipulate, threaten etc.
- They become nearly constantly defensive and therefore lose their childhood ability to empathize
- They may become bitter, cynical, sarcastic
- They learn how to verbally attack
- They learn hurtful phrases and quickly recall and apply them
- They can sense when someone is upset with them or is going to be, so they learn to do whatever it takes to avoid that person's disapproval or anger
- They learn responses to defend themselves
- They learn when to be evasive, for example, when to say "I don't know" and "I don't remember"
- They learn how to lay guilt trips
- They learn how to apologize when it serves them; how to beg for mercy and forgiveness
These are just some of the things, there might be several more.
Emotionally intelligent people from emotionally
abusive and neglectful homes can become some of the most hurtful, manipulative,
greedy, controlling, arrogant people in society. Or they can become depressed
and suicidal. Which direction they go depends on their personalities and life
experiences. But chances are good that an emotionally intelligent teen from an
emotionally dysfunctional family, or society, will develop some seriously unhealthy
thoughts, feelings and behaviors as adults.
This is the dark side of emotional intelligence. It is
something that could be prevented if parents, first, and teachers, second, were
more emotionally competent. A distinction here between emotionally
intelligent and emotionally competent. A parent does not have to be especially
emotionally intelligent to stop invalidating their children and teens. A parent
does not have to be an emotional genius to develop some basic listening skills. Some training in school
or later on could provide a basic level of competency, just as most people have
a basic competency in addition and subtraction without needing to be math
geniuses.
The sooner we provide such training and education to all parents and
prospective parents, the sooner we can begin to avoid the consequences of the
dark side of Emotional Intelligence.
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