English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why there is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Only in English do we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Why do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship, or have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
In what other language do people drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? Why is it that a house can burn up as it burns down? How do you fill in a form by filling it out? How does an alarm go off by going on? And why is it that when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?
Why are wisemen and wise guys opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? If horrific means to make horrible doesn't terrific mean to make terrible? How can weather be as hot as hell one day and as cold as hell the next? No doubt you have seen a horseless carriage, but have you ever wondered what a horseful carriage would look like?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
And have you ever seen a strapful gown, or met a sung hero, or experienced requited love? And have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly, or peccable? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland Holes? And why is it that when I wind up my watch it starts but when I wind up this story ends?
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