Do you want to create change in your life? Do you wake up in the
mornings with the sense that you could be doing something different that would
be more fulfilling? Do you toss and turn at nights wondering what more is out
there for you? Don’t worry, you are not alone. People are dynamic, we need
change, unfortunately not many people understand the psychology behind change.
If it were as easy as reading the latest self-help book or attending a weekend
seminar, you would find yourself accomplishing everything you wanted to
accomplish and experiencing fulfillment in every facet of your life. So what’s
the barrier to realizing change? It’s habits. As appealing as change may sound,
we habitually prefer the comfort of familiarity over the uncomfortable, often
difficult process of making the changes that will lead to a more fulfilling life.
So how do you break this habit? The first thing you can do is understand the
psychology behind change. Don’t worry, it’s not rocket science, it’s about
patterns of behavior and thought.
Research has shown that for a lasting change to occur,
individuals must have:
- insight into a need or
the desire to make a change,
- motivation for making a
change,
- knowledge,
skills and abilities necessary for change,
- real
world experience
to apply new knowledge, skills and abilities, and
- accountability linked to the
change process.
Let’s look at each of these requirements to change. First is
insight into a need, or the desire to make change. This typically stems from a
life transition such as ending a relationship, loosing or changing a job,
approaching a birthday, anniversary or new year. Whatever the origin of the
insight, the result is the same, you are left with an unsettling sense that
something needs to be different.
Is that nagging voice in your head enough to drive you to
change? That depends. Your life circumstances will greatly influence your
motivation. The 45-year-old mother of three will have a different motivating
force than the 24-year-old single college graduate. If your desires for change
are realistic within the context of your current circumstances, the motivation
for action will be present. The thoughts about what the future holds will now
be keeping you up at night.
It’s time to take action. “But what action” you may ask. The
first step is to clearly define what your future looks like. With a clear
picture of your ideal future you can begin to identify the steps it will take
to get you there. You will probably need to acquire new skills, make new
acquaintances, and have new experiences. You will need an action plan to move
you from what you currently know and do to your vision of what could be. Here
is where most people get derailed. Here is where the difficult and
uncomfortable part of change comes into play. It’s easy to dream about a new
reality, but to take action requires work. Not only work to learn new
techniques or tactical ways of doing things, you have to look at your patterns
of thought. Your inner saboteur will come in and tell you “this is too
difficult, you’ll never get it, you could be spending your time, energy, money
on something else, and it’s not worth it”. So you go back to doing what you’ve
always done, and you get what you’ve always gotten.
The only way to break this pattern of complacency is to hold
yourself accountable for taking action. Most people cannot do this alone. Most
people need someone outside themselves to keep them on track, sticking to the
plan. You need to have an unconditional collaborator (partner, friend, family
member or coach) to hold you accountable for getting off the couch and out into
the world of possibility. You need someone to push you through the difficult
process of changing your habits and thoughts. You need someone to slay your
inner saboteur.
Do you think you’re ready to take action on changing your life?
The first thing you need to do is find that unconditional collaborator. A few
people will have these types of relationships readily at hand, a partner,
friend or family member. Most of us, however, get lost in the emotional
dynamics of their existing relationships so much so that having them play an
unconditional role in your change process is unrealistic. Hiring a personal
coach to take you through the process is an option many are discovering.
Professionally trained personal coaches know the psychological process that
underlie change and can customize a program based on your particular needs and
goals. Personal coaches use the DARE model to
creating lasting change. To put it to use for yourself, take the following
steps:
Define: What is your burning
desire? Where do you want to see yourself a year from now? 3, 5 and 10 years
out? Do you want wealth? Do you want to find your soul mate? Do you want a
healthy body? Mind? Soul? Do you want to accelerate your career to a higher
level of success? Start your own business? DARE to define exactly what you
want. Create the vision of your future and put it on paper. Cut out pictures,
write down aspirations and don’t hold back. Action: Planned, purposeful
action paired with affirmations, influence internal forces to create lasting
change. Write down the action steps to get there. You may not know all the
steps initially, but with each step written and taken, the path will become
clearer and you will move closer to accomplishing your goals. Write down
affirmations and repeat them several times everyday, especially when you wake
up and before you go to sleep at night. Affirmations are a necessary part of
reprogramming your thoughts. Receive: By examining the attitudes,
behaviors and beliefs that may interfere with achieving goals, you will be
prepared to receive and accept the changes that come through the Define and
Action process. Use your unconditional collaborator to pull you through this
difficult process. Remember, you are worthy of an extraordinary life. Expand:
Never stop growing. Reflect and expand on the process. Repeat the cycle and
realize dreams you never before thought possible.
Change is a difficult process; however, you can take comfort in
the fact that your desire for change is part of personal growth. If it were
easy, you would never come across anyone in an unsettled state. The key is to
make your transitions in life as effective as possible. Creating your
extraordinary life is within your reach, with guidance and determination you
can accomplish anything you desire.
Are you ready for a change?
Maybe
it’s a birthday or anniversary approaching. Maybe it was the way your boss spoke to you. Maybe it’s the relationship you just ended or started.
What ever the source, you’ve been left with the unsettling
sense that something in your life needs to change. Quality Life Solutions
provides individualized coaching programs to get you living your
extraordinary life.
Kristin Chamberlin is a Professional Corporate and Personal Coach with Quality Life Solutions.
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